Elvis Salaris

The guy behind the word Guru and the Dot



Proud owner of this thing

Hi, I have been christened Elvis, my brother got luckier as he was christened Christian.

I was born in Italy on the 9th day of February of the faithful year 1982, a non remarkable Tuesday in what Wikipedia identifies as a non remarkable period for humanity.

I live in Norway. I speak Italian, a bit of English, some French when drunk, survival things in Chinese, only useless stuff in Norwegian, I could understand some Spanish if drunk (unless I'm speaking French that night).

I have been a programmer since the beginning of the millennium and my linkedIn page could tell you a lot of lies about it.

Most of my time I have been a slave of the internet writing websites, web applications, a lot of APIs, then mobile apps, but I have also been pestered by game and software development, integrations of all sorts across platforms, languages, companies and apparently all I seem to be good at is refactoring and debugging (or I wouldn't be asked to do that all the time). I got experience and learned the hard way, as nature intended, from painful mistakes. It is therefore safe to assume that I am closer to a Carpenter than an Engineer as I know more than I have been taught (but you could say the same of a jellyfish).

I firmly believe that the guy that invented the wheel was an idiot and no way as influential as the guy that put four of them together. I follow standards that look sane, avoid all others.

If I am not coding I'm translating Marketing requirements into human specs. I don't understand users nor I want to meet any, but I am in continuous contact with people that firmly believe they do.

I have no education in the field as my biases towards Academia have been shaped by Asimov and Pratchett: they scared me so much that I did all I could not to have Education interfere with my Learning.

I am an artist and I love music (heavy or stupid stuff) and I play many instruments. I am not good at any of them, contrary to my wife, a professional classical pianist.

I write, draw and work with wood, but my creations normally end up in flames for arcane reasons that are beyond my understanding.

I am a gamer, but lately back to retro arcade thanks to the Pi.

This are my choices whenever a dichotomy is posed upon me:

Star Trek Star Wars
DC Marvel
Vegetables Fruit
Yellow Hot Pink
Retro Modern
Beer Wine
Jack Daniel's Jägermeister
Blues Jazz
Death Metal Whatever kids listen to nowadays
Kawaii Metal !?! Never seen this in a dichotomy !?!
80/90s Anime Toons
Movies before the year 2000 I don't know what happened after The Matrix
Sci-fi Anything with love in it
Fantasy Anything with love in it
Futurama Simpsons
Getting bored Wasting my time on a phone
PHP Java
JavaScript Java
jQuery Java
React Java
Python Java
Scala Java
CSS Java
Anything but Java

There is one point missing in the table above: curly brackets on a new line, but even if my life depended on it that would not be my choice.

I am much nicer in person than in writings as I am told I am not able to express sarcasm with emojis (I also don't have emoji on my keyboard). For instance it should be known that I like humanity, it's people I can't stand.

I like funny quotes and laugh at inspirational ones.

There are many ways to contact me, but first ask yourself if you should do that, I mean I have time to waste, but do you?

Also this is a hidden page, and by the way who goes around looking for info on the author of a post? I mean who cares, right? What do you want to know? A nicer about me is probably lying somewhere in this website, but if you expect me to point you to it you didn't get the gist of this, isn't it?

Yours sincerely,

Elvis Salaris